|
|||||||
|
|
|
|||||
|
|
|||||||
SCRIPT: EPISODE 4- The White Room
Scenes
-
The street
Characters-
Kenny
Mike
Todd
Dennis
FBI Agent
Featuring-
Ed (500lb Turkey)
Chaz (Evil sock
puppet)
(Open on a
black and white shot of a younger version of Michael playing with blocks)
Mike- AAAAHHHH! (Mike grabs his neck there are
rug burn marks. He looks toward his door a little shadow hobbles out. Mike
leaps toward the door and whips out a knife)
Mike- You’re time has come SOCK! (Audience
laughing. Mike chases the shadowy figure out the door and down the road)
Mike- I curse thee evil sock, Now
is your time to die! Thow shalth feel my wrath as I strike down upon thee with
great hatred; now evil sock of Satan taste the sting of death as I pierce thee
with my golden sword and send thow back to thy grave from which thee came from.
Haunt me no longer and cease this infernal tormenting of my soul!
(Chaz stops running)
Chaz- What?
Mike- I’m gonna throw this knife
at you. (Audience
laughing)
Chaz- Oh. (Mike throws the knife) DAMN IT!!! THAT
HURT!!! (Audience
laughing. Chaz hobbles away. Mike leans down by the knife close up on his
face. He picks up the knife and takes
off the shred of fabric.)
Mike- The first blood has been
shed (Mike stands up)
…or first fabric has been ripped…or…um something…yeah whatever. (Audience laughing. Fade to
black then fade back to a scene with Sasso, Kenny, and Todd standing in Mike’s
living room)
Mike- You might be wondering why
I asked you all to come here.
Todd- I’m not, you already told
me. (Audience laughing)
Mike- Oh… OK. Then for the rest of
you I will tell you why you are here. When I was 7 I made friends with my sock
his name was Chaz. But by the time I was eight Chaz and I had became enemies. I
set him on fire and buried him in a shallow grave in the woods, but just last
night he came back. He was trying to kill me but I was to smart for him I
chased him away but he will be back, oh yes he will be back. That’s why I
called all of you here I want you to try to hunt down and kill him. Then first
one to kill him will get a hefty some of money. All other contestants will
receive a copy of our home game.
(Audience laughing. Mike holds up a box
that says, “Kill the Sock”) Any questions?
Sasso- Yeah, um… were you high when
this happened? (Audience
laughing)
Todd- Mike’s always high. (Audience laughing)
Mike- True, true. (Audience laughing) Any
other questions?
Kenny- yeah why aren’t you doing
this you’re self?
Mike- Oh um… I’m kind of busy…uh…
very important… corporate stock stuff… you know that kind of crap.
Todd- Which means you’re gonna be
smoking pot. (Audience
laughing)
Mike- Exactly. (Audience laughing) OK.
I last saw Chaz turn down that street (Mike points out the window in the direction of the
street) and chances are he’ll come back to finish me off, so look around
the yards in the perimeter of this block. Good luck (Mike walks off stage)
Sasso- Wait, we’re going to sneak
around in the yards of people we don’t know (Audience laughing)
Todd- Yep, to hunt a sock. (Audience laughing)
Sasso- …are we sure we’re not high?
(Audience laughing. They
walk out the door and up the yard of another house)
Todd- OK. Here’s the plan, Kenny
you go up and knock on the door and talk t… (Audience laughing) Sasso you go up and talk to the person and keep them distracted while we
try to penetrate into the back to look for Mike’s killer sock thing. (Audience laughing)
Sasso- OK… here I go. (Sasso walks up to the door and
rings the bell. An old lady steps out)
Old Lady- Oh look it’s a cute little
Girl Scout. (Audience
laughing) Oh wait let me put on my glasses. (She puts on her glasses) Oh look it’s a
fat little Girl Scout. (Audience
laughing)
Sasso- Oh yeah…um… I’m selling…uh
my cookies and…uh need to keep you here while my friends…um…penetrate your
backyard with Mike’s sock. (Audience
laughing)
Old lady- Get out of here you
perverts! Nobody’s penetrating my cookies with someone else’s…uh… man jam
pistol! (Audience
laughing. Sasso, Kenny, and Todd run across the lawn into someone else’s bushes)
I’m calling the police on you weird ass Girl Scouts!
(Audience laughing. Sasso, Kenny, and
Todd pop out form behind the bushes)
Todd- Pishhh! (To Sasso) Sasso you are
stupider than a bag of monkey crap! (Audience laughing) Let me show you how it’s done. You guys
sneak around back this time. (Todd
walks up and rings the bell on another house. A hot chick comes out)
Todd- Hey sweat cheeks. Mind if I
“come” in. (Audience
laughing. When Todd says come he makes little quotations with his fingers…you
know like in Austin Powers. You see Kenny and Sasso standing on the pavement of
the street, Todd is thrown on to the pavement in front of them.)
Kenny- Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! (Audience laughing)
Sasso- Wait… I don’t get it… come
in? What? (Audience
laughing)
Todd- Ow! I think I broke my ass
bone. (Audience laughing.
Sasso and Kenny are snickering)
Todd- Ahhhhh. Go a head say it. (Audience laughing)
Kenny- He-he-he. Whose bone you got
up there? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! It’s just too easy! Ha! Ha! Ha! (Audience laughing. Denny comes
walking down the street)
Denny- Yo dudes! Whats youse doing?
Sasso- Denny? I thought you were in
jail for 1 ye…
Todd- (Covering Sasso’s mouth and
whispering to him)
Ssshhhh! Don’t make plot holes obvious. (Audience laughing) Oh ho-ho, silly Sasso don’t
you remember… you know what happened that was not shown in any episode? When…uh
Denny got out of jail on…uh probation. (Audience laughing)
Sasso- Uh…oh…oh yeah. Now I
remember masturbation. (Audience
laughing) That’s right. (Sasso winking and thumbs up to Todd. Audience laughing)
Todd- Hey Denny how would you like
to help us?
Denny- OK.
Todd- (Whispering to Sasso and Kenny) Watch this will be funny.
Denny- What do I have to do?
Todd- Go up to that house and
distract the person inside. He! He! He! (Denny walks up to the house and knocks on the door)
Kenny- Todd isn’t that where the
child molester lives?
Todd- He! He! Yeah. (Audience laughing. Everyone
cracks up as Denny is pulled into the house. By a big guy)
Denny- (From inside the house) Ahhhh. Yeah! Oooo! Yes!
Yes! (Audience laughing.
Everyone cracks up. Todd, Sasso, and Kenny keep on walking)
Sasso- If I were a sock where would
I be?
Todd- Eating. (Audience laughing)
Kenny- Socks don’t eat. But that
does give me a good idea we could set a trap. Lay down some fabric softener and
wait for the sock to come for it. (Audience laughing. Every body
looks at Kenny)
Sasso- Kenny, …Mike’s the pot head,
not you. (Audience
laughing) But what the hell let’s give it a try. (Audience laughing. They set down some fabric
softener and wait. The sun goes down and its night time)
Todd- Jesus mother of Mary, this
is taking longer than Sasso doing the ten yard dash. (Audience laughing)
Sasso- Yeah. Screw this let’s just
make a fake Chaz.
Todd- OK give me your sock Sasso. (Todd makes a sock puppet)
Sasso- Good now let’s go back to
Mike’s. (They start to
walk back but get lost)
Kenny- Where are we? We’ve never
been here before.
Todd- Good work Sasso. You
couldn’t find your way back if you had a map shoved up our ass. (Audience laughing)
Sasso- We all know you would enjoy
that more than me, Todd. (Audience laughing)
Kenny- Hu-ho BOYAH!
Todd and Sasso- Shut up Kenny. (Audience laughing)
Denny- Ooooo! Oh yeah! (Audience laughing)
Todd- Mike’s house is this way. (They finally get back to
Mike’s but the front door is locked) That’s OK he leaves his back door
unlocked. (They go to the
back but that’s locked too)
Sasso- Hey look there’s a little
door. (They all go down by
the door and go inside. It’s an all white room)
Sasso- Where the hell are we?
Todd- Oh no. This is just like
back in Nam when those Zipper heads locked me in that white room. The whiteness
slowly drives all that are in it crazy.
Sasso- Why would Mike have a room
build by Zipper heads designed to drive people to insanity? …Wait… never mind. (Audience laughing)
That’s OK let’s just crawl back out. (They turn around but the little door disappears)
Todd- That was some scary ish! (Audience laughing)
Sasso- So Todd how do we get out of
here?
Todd- We have to wait for someone
to open the hidden entrance.
Sasso- Oh OK. Then Mike will let us out soon. (Cut to a scene of Mike smoking
pot in another room)
Ed- (In a high pitched voice) I don’t know. (Audience laughing)
Todd- Pishhh! (To Sasso. Audience laughing)
Mike doesn’t even know we’re down here. Oh I know I’ll call Fat Boy Joe. (Audience laughing. Todd takes
out a cell phone and dials Joe’s number)
Joe- (Answering machine) Hello?
Todd- Joe you need to…
Joe- You have reached…
Todd- Oh that’s right he’s over in
Cuba. DAMN IT!
Joe- …Unable to come to the phone
please leave a message…(The
phone) BEEP!
Todd- Eh…um…uh…at…ahca…FAT!!!! (Audience laughing. Todd slams down the phone)
Sasso- Why don’t you call Mike?
Todd- Shhhhh! Plot holes. (Audience laughing) Uh…um
oh I’m not using my daytime minutes.
Sasso- But it’s night.
Todd- SHUT UP! (Audience laughing)
Kenny- Oh-no! We’ll never get out
of here.
Todd- Who the hell was talking to
you? (Audience laughing)
Kenny- Well…uh…it’s just, I haven’t
said anything in a while and I was getting kind of bored. (Audience laughing. Back to
Mike and Ed)
Mike- Heh-he-he-heh. Look here I
am again and I’m probably only going to say two lines. (Audience laughing. Mike pulls out some papers
that say Kiss My Sasso Episode-4 The White Room) Gee Ed… isn’t it hot in
here…hmm I think I’ll turn on the air… and…a pen…I oh…open (Audience laughing) the
vents. Mike opens vents… oh (Audience
laughing. Mike opens vents. The smoke starts to go down into the vent. Ed goes
spinning with the smoke)
Ed- Weeeeeeeee! (Audience laughing. Ed appears
in the basement. A vent in the corner or the basement fades and disappears)
Sasso- Hey who are you?
Ed- Ed the 500lb turkey. (Audience laughing)
Kenny- Hey Ed how’d you get in
here?
Ed- I don’t know. (Audience laughing) Hey
guys wanna play a game?
Sasso- OK Ed what’s the game
called?
Ed- It’s called The Penis Game. (Audience laughing)
Todd- That sounds like my kind of
game. (Audience laughing)
Ed- First you turn around…
Todd- I like where this is going. (Audience laughing. Todd, Sasso,
and Kenny turn around)
Ed- Ready? … PENIS! (Audience laughing. Everybody turns around)
Sasso- What the hell was that?
Ed- That was The Penis Game. (Audience laughing)
Wanna play again?
Sasso- No that’s OK.
Kenny- Hey anybody ever wonder what
happened to Denny? (Shot
of Denny walking out of the child molester’s house)
Denny- OK good bye. (Denny walks out dressed in a
Girl Scout uniform, waving good bye to the big guy, who is holding a camera.
Audience laughing)
FBI Agent- So your that perverted Girl
Scout that was bothering that old lady. (Audience laughing) your coming to jail sick-o,
but only until the next episode. (Audience laughing. Back to Sasso, Todd, Kenny, and Ed in the basement)
Sasso- I’m ganna go crazy!
Kenny- Hey what if we were to take
out the light bulb, then there won’t be lots of whiteness inside this room in
here.
Todd- Kenny those badly written
lines just may keep us sane.
(Audience laughing. Todd unscrews the light bulb. It goes dark then suddenly in
the corner a red light goes on and an Evil version of Mike appears)
Evil Mike- Eno on ma I! Gnimoc si
htaed! Eid llahs lla!
Todd, Kenny, Sasso, and Ed- Aaaaaaaahhhhh!!!! (Audience laughing. Todd screws
back in the light and everything is normal again)
Ed- Mamma’s gonna make every
thing all right. (Ed is
holding on to Sasso. Audience laughing)
Sasso- Oh I get it slower than me
doing the Ten Yard Dash. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! (Audience laughing) “Come in” Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
That was good Todd! He! He! He-he! (Audience laughing)
Todd- We need to get out of here
we’re all going insane!
Ed- Hey look I have thumbs. (Audience laughing)
Sasso- Going? Heh. (Audience laughing) I
mean come on we’re taking to a turkey! (Audience laughing)
Ed- Um 500lb turkey to be exact. (Audience laughing)
Kenny- Hey maybe Ed can help us get
out.
Ed- Yeah! I can help. I’ve got a
phone book! (Ed pulls out
a phone book. Audience laughing)
Sasso- How is that suppose to
help?
Ed- I’ll show you! Give me your
phone Todd. (Ed dials some
numbers) Hello. I like a delivery 2 large pizza’s 2 bottles of Pepsi and
3 subs extra oregano. Yeah and uh tell the delivery guy to to bring it to the
small door in the back. Bye. (Ed
hangs up the phone)See now we only have to wait 20 to30 minutes or the
order is free.
Todd- Great we’ll be out of here
in no time. (Fade out and
back in to Ed looking at his watch)
Ed- 3-2-1… Yay! The order is
free! (Audience laughing)
Todd- That’s not what we wanted,
we wanted to get out of here as fast as possible. …And give me back my watch! (Audience laughing. Todd takes
the watch from Ed. There is a knocking everybody runs to one side of the room)
Sasso- The door’s open come in! (A door opens the opposite side
of were they’re facing. The pizza guy steps in)
Pizza Guy- Uh...I have an order for an
Edward A. Turkey. (Audience
laughing. Everyone turns around as the pizza guy closes the door)
Sasso, Todd, and Kenny - Noooooo! (Audience laughing. The door
shuts and disappears)
Ed- Yay! Pizza’s here! (Audience laughing)
Kenny- Now we’ll never get out.
Ed- Never? Oh we’re ganna starve
to death. (Audience
laughing) we’ll have to resort to cannibalism I vote we eat Sasso he’s
nice and meaty! (Audience
laughing)
Kenny- I agree let’s eat Sasso! (Audience laughing)
Todd- Nobody’s eating anybody! We
have pizza, remember?
Ed- Oh yeah. …Let’s eat the
pizza guy! (Audience
laughing)
Sasso- No Ed let’s eat the pizza. OK? (Audience laughing)
Pizza guy- Uh… right; that’ll be
$34.92.
Ed- What!?!? You took 31 minute
to get here it’s free!
Pizza guy- Fine fine just tell me how
to get out of here.
Ed- Oh you just go out that big
door over there with the flashing ‘exit’ sign. (Audience laughing. Todd, Kenny, and Sasso are
speechless. The pizza guy opens the door and leaves)
Sasso- …………………Why didn’t you tell
us about that before?
(Audience laughing)
Ed- …uh…um…hmm…I don’t know. (Audience laughing. Ed flies
out the door with a rainbow coming from behind him leaving a trail)
Weeeeeeee! (Audience
laughing)
Kenny- …This is the stupidest
ending ever. (Audience
laughing. Everyone leaves and goes up to Mike)
Todd- (To Mike) We were going to give you a fake
Chaz and collect the reward. But we got lock in the White Room.
Mike- Fake Chaz?
Todd- Yeah we took Sasso’s sock. (Audience laughing)
Sasso- Yeah, my foot was cold until
I found this sock. (Sasso
takes Chaz off his foot. Audience laughing)
Kenny- …How long did you have that?
Sasso- I found it when Todd was
talking to that girl in that one house. (Audience laughing)
Everyone- …SASSO! (Audience laughing. Mike takes
Chaz)
Mike- So Chaz it seems that I am the
winner. Now prepare to taste the sting of my wrath!…
Todd- There he goes again, getting
all Biblical (Audience
laughing. Suddenly a smoke bomb drops out of Chaz. Everyone is choking and Chaz
hobbles away. Finally the smoke clears. Mike runs to the door)
Mike- I’ll get you next time
cursed sock; next time you will see! (Audience laughing. Ed walks over and pats Mike on the back)
Ed- Hey guy, wanna play a game?
Mike- (Depressed) Uh… fine, what’s the game called?
Ed- It’s called The Penis Game. (Audience laughing)
Mike- Sounds like Todd’s kind of
game. (Audience laughing)
How do you play?
Ed- First you turn around…(Mike, Todd, Kenny, and Sasso
all turn around) …ready? PENIS!!! (Audience laughing. Mike, Todd, Sasso, and Kenny all laugh)
Everyone- Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh Ed… what
will you do next. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Kenny- I stand corrected; this is the stupidest ending ever. (Audience laughing. Fade out to
credits)